As college students, being away from home, we spend less time with our family and more with friends, classmates, acquaintances, and even lovers. So finding someone to be with physically has gotten easier than when we were living with our parents. The problem, when we already have somebody, is always wanting the physical whenever we are with them. According to WebMD’s article on the comparison of sex drives in men and women, men have more direct sex drives than the ‘oh so much more demanding’ sex drives of women. So when your significant other is getting that itch that only you can scratch, do you have no other choice than to comply? - or vice versa?
Girls, we don’t always wanna get dirty in the sheets every time our man points his lower head in our direction. And guys, how about when your woman starts getting frisky at the wrong moment? And I’m sure this goes for same sex couples as well. I don’t personally know this but I infer that just because you are physically intimate with someone of the same sex doesn’t mean your sex drives are equally matched and that there is a sense of a synchronized sex drive that gravitates you towards each other (and the sheets) at exactly the right time.
So where does that leave a couple that is constantly on a one way street to no sex? Does it mean that there’s something wrong in the relationship? The answer is NO. Some students have stated that when this happens in their relationship, they tend to comply and get down and dirty with their significant other regardless of how much they don’t want to at the moment.
I want to make sure everybody understands: IT IS OK TO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT!
Besides, sex is amazing if you actually WANT IT before you do it. There are many ways to respond to a sex drive that just doesn’t match yours at the allotted time.
First: It helps to understand that men do tend to think more about sex than women. And because of this, they tend to ask for sex in a more straightforward manner. Again, my opinion lacks experience in the area of same sex relationships so I can only account for heterosexual relationships but I imagine that even between two men or two women, there would always be one partner that is more sexually enthusiastic than the other.
Second: It also helps to understand that what women want in sex can sometimes be complicated and confusing; enough so that even they may not understand what they want. This virginal ego doesn’t always allow women to ask for sex or even ask for what they want during sex. Again, this could also apply to the less sexually enthusiastic partner in any relationship.
Third: Sex is not only intercourse. Sex is not just the (hetero) penis in the vagina bit but also what leads to a happier end for both partners involved. Kissing, touching, licking, stroking – no matter what you’ve got to work with, you best not forget to work with it!
Men and women biologically have intricate and exciting nerve endings and hot spots that take some time to explore and ignite. I say explore each other and even your own bodies to find what works for you and your partner. Try different kinds of foreplay to get into the mood or experiment with each other’s fantasies.
Fourth: If you (or your partner) is adamant in not partaking in the roll around the hay, TALK. A simple “Why?” can easily spark a conversation in what one can do to bring the other happiness both sexually and emotionally. Talking with your partner, especially when the sexual timings never seem to match, could help each couple find solutions and even more exciting ways to reach an “O”-some ending.
The most useful tool in any sexual and physical relationship is an open mind. Always keeping your significant other in mind when thinking about your happiness will bring about their happiness and could potentially be enough for the moment to reignite the fire. Once the fire is ignited, it is as you please to please each other.
Talking and keeping an open mind may even help YOU find something new that sets you “O”ff with your partner in the right way. So the next time your partner comes towards you with that not-so-sly look of invitation, don’t ward them off with that annoyed sense of misdirection but rather keep an open mind and know that whether or not you are just as eager as they are for a romp in the sheets, there are other ways of connecting and reaching a higher gr-O-und of happiness.