Last week I found myself drowning in life. With work, school and making time for friends, I found myself getting sick and tired. At one point I fell asleep while watching “Beowulf,” an extremely action packed movie.
- As a student my days were already packed full of work, homework and classes; and being that I hate disappointing everyone around me, I found myself not being able to say “no.” So lately I was picking up extra shifts at work and ended my evenings fraternizing until all hours of the night.
When the weekend finally arrived, I knew it was time to relax and enjoy the rare silence and serenity that my busy life sometimes allows. I stayed home, curled up in a blanket with gingerbread cookies and hot tea while my green and brown holiday scented candles filled my quiet sanctuary with the sent of a highly anticipated Christmas break. As I relaxed my body I also gave my mind some time off and watched my chick flick favorite, “While you were sleeping.”
- I watched as Lucy, the main character yearned for a family and people to spend Christmas with. I watched as she was perfectly fine alone in her apartment, but she always wanted more. It seemed that my idea of a brain break had now turned into an analytical internal debate of a simple film, which was somehow not simple anymore. And I began to think, is it ok to want to be alone?
There I was spending the night alone in my apartment, and I was content. I was content with life and with myself; and being the kind of person that worries about every occurrence that happened in my day, that was a nice feeling.
I began to realize that when people say no to parties and stay inside on Saturday nights, other people tend to treat them differently. Then when the “insiders” come out on that rare blue moon, the regular party goers are amazed and confused to see them. Why is that? Are people not supposed to be able to have time to themselves, or are they just being shunned for not “hangin’ out on a regular basis?”
Jules, a friend of mine who preferred many nights to herself, told me while she had less drama and more time for her, the transition was hard to go from parties and people to home and silence.
I wondered, is this a good idea, should we all learn to say no to parties and yes too alone time?
Recently I said no to my work friends when they asked me to go to a movie. I worried that they would think I just did not want to spend time with them and their feelings would be hurt. I furthermore dreaded the drama of gossip and the resentment that would arise. But the next time I worked with them, I was delighted to see that they were happy to see me…and truthfully I was happy to see them because I was more awake and ready to be around people. I guess a night-off for me was great for all of us.
Maybe Lucy was onto something and being alone is a blessing; but then, will we begin to yearn for that fullness and wellbeing of other people?
- As I bit into the last gingerbread cookie of the box and the credits began their 10-minute scroll up the screen, I blew out my candle and headed off to bed. This was a very pleasant semi-night off, but I knew that there has to be a balance in being alone and being social; to appreciate a social life sometimes a box of cookies, a movie and reflection can be the best cure for a thing called life.
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