As I was awakened by my blaring alarm clock at 4:00 a.m., all I could think was, “What possessed me to volunteer for this assignment?” I quickly rubbed the sleep from my eyes, jumped into something “decent” (a sweatshirt and sweatpants), and headed out the door to get in the longest line of my life.

As I neared the back of the mile long line I suddenly realized, “This must be what Frodo felt like looking down the path to Mordor.” I got behind a plump, middle-aged man wearing a Dallas Cowboys pullover sweatshirt, and tried to make small talk in the hopes that it would make the line go by faster.

“So, what brings you out on ‘Black Friday’?”
“What else; Christmas shopping?”
“Got anything in mind?”
“Yeah, one of those little DVD players for my son, and one of those life-size ponies for my daughter.”

Intrigued by the idea of a life-size pony for sale at Wal-Mart, as soon as I got through the doors I abandoned my plan to make a dash for the $7.00 1GB flash drive, and headed to the toy aisle.

When I got to the toy section I was disappointed to find that there was a mob of parents surrounding the increasingly creepy looking life-size pony. I slowly backed away, not wanting to deal with 20 angry parents fighting over the cyborg pony; I mean I have seen “Jingle All the Way.”

I retreated to the electronics section, attempting to re-establish my old strategy, of “get the flash drive and run,” but when I approached the area I realized that that was going to be much easier said than done.

For some reason department store aisles are never big enough for the shopping carts they provide. I tried to make my way down one aisle only to be blocked by two side by side shoppers with carts having a little bit of trouble themselves. So I moved on to the next aisle frantically searching for the one thing I had came for when finally it caught my eye.

I slide around the 10 year-old boy oddly unattended, squeezed between the wall and a very obese man examining the rewritable cds, and finally came upon it. Only my reach was obstructed by an angry couple arguing over something that had happened the previous night at Thanksgiving dinner.

As I meekly tried and failed to get their attention, I realized this situation may call for some drastic action. So I got on my tippiest of toes and tried to reach over their basket. Apparently my 5'1” stature didn't cut it and as I felt my body tip and fall into their basket I saw both sets of eyes now directing their fury straight at me.

So, I didn't succeed in the first part of my strategy, but I did in the second because I ran so fast a security guard eventually stopped me. At first glance, I'm pretty sure she thought I was someone's child who got loose.

Finally, I went to hide out in the one place in the store that I knew I could escape the madness: the office supply section.